Tangled Branches, Roots and Shoots

I had it a couple of weeks ago and had a short stay in hospital while they gave me 4 litres of fluid via IV drip. After about 5 days I was more like myself, but had a cold. Then J was ill for about the same time and now it’s Nathan’s turn.

The poor mite has been projectile vomiting since Thursday evening and I’m exhausted from staying up at night to look after him. I can’t get any sleep while he’s like this. He vomits in his sleep and then breathes it in if I don’t move him quickly enough. He’s so worn out. I feel so bad for him. I just wish I could make it all better for him.

As much as I love his cloth nappies, these last few days have made me wish for disposables for a bit of a break… diarrhoea makes washing nappies rather unpleasant. I’m not used to washing out that much poo, he normally uses his potty so his nappies are usually just damp and nice and easy to wash.

I miss my cheeky little monkey. I’m looking forward to when he’s feeling all better again and getting up to his normal mischief

It’s taken me what feels like forever to sit down and write this. I was so shocked when I was watching the news and saw that beautiful photo of Jason Barnes on the TV. I felt sick when I realised what they were saying. Only a few weeks before I was showing photos of Jason to my husband and telling him of how we used to play together as kids. I guess I always thought we’d catch up one day. I just left it too late.

It’s so odd seeing people calling him Jay on the memorial sites. I never knew him as that. He will always be Jace to me…

I will always remember his cheeky smile and days spent playing in the garden or on the staircase in the flats, though not sure that we were supposed to be playing on the stairs. We were so very little. My dad was no longer in my life much and I often felt lonely, although Jason was 2 years younger than me his friendship meant so much to me. He always managed to make me giggle. One time when I was crying because I thought my dad didn’t love me, he said with a grin “don’t cry, you can have my dad” . I’m so glad to see he never stopped caring or helping people.

The lasting memory I have of him is us playing on the climbing frame together, not sure how old we were. But he grabbed hold of my skirt and pulled it over my head, giggling like a loony. He ran away and I chased him round and round until we were both too tired to stand and we just fell down on the grass and laughed. His laugh was always infectious. I think that’s how I’ll always remember him.

I sit here writing this with my 3 month old son sleeping on my lap. Feeling the bond that only a mother can feel. My heart really goes out to you Beverley. The thought of ever losing my son is like a knife in my heart. I can only just start to think of what you must be going through. What all of you must be going through. He was an amazing person who without a doubt touched the lives of many people.

Jace, my little flame haired playmate. You will forever be in my thoughts. Rest well. Maybe one day we will play in the sun again.

With much love
Tasha
Xxxx

Well, he’s here. After a lot of excitement Nathan Andrew Wiseman was born at 11.20 on Wednesday. It all happened very quickly, and once it all picked up, Tassja was only in labour for around 4 hours. We’re all pretty tired, and understandably she’s very sore now, but he’s here. And I’m so proud of them both.

Here’s a picture of our little monkey.

Okay… looks like I’ve not posted anything on this blog since I was at 12 weeks. So here’s an update.

Right, well the nasty hyperemesis calmed down at about 17 weeks, much to my relief!!!! I still had sickness but it was nothing like the horrendous continuous vomiting. I have rather a lot of scars on my hands and wrists from all the drips they stuck in me, but this baby is more than worth it all

17 weeks was great for another reason as well. My birthday was in that week and as a birthday present Little Monkey gave me the first kicks I could feel. It was truly amazing and gave me a real burst of confidence that this baby would be joining our family. Even better was that they were strong enough kicks for J to see them and feel them. It was great to finally be able to share our baby.

At 20 weeks we had our scan, all was well and it was good to see our baby again and discover that it’s a little boy. It took me a while for it to sink in that we would be having a little son. Knowing the sex made it even more real for me. I could look at people walk past with their little boys and think to myself that it would be me with a baby boy soon enough. Very exciting and a little daunting.

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It’s been a long time since I last spoke to you, and we both know that today is a special day. I’m not sure if you know where I am, or what’s happening in my life, but I like to hope that you do and that one day you’ll be able to talk to me again. I know that if you do, I’ll have a lot of catching up to do, and that’s something I really would like us to do together.

I realise you may not know this, but every day I wonder what you’re up to, and really hope that you’re happy. Every year on this day, I wish most of all that I could be there with you, helping to make your day special. I hope that you’re having a fantastic birthday, and that it brings you all the things that you’d like.

Happy Birthday son,

With all my love,

xx