Archive for the 'Family Life' Category
Thursday, April 5th, 2007
Hello 
Just a quickie, really, to say hi and to share a little bit of what we (well, I, mostly) have been up to.
It’s been very quiet in internet-land for a good few months, now. I think part of that has been to do with getting back to basics since the miscarriage and doing a lot of living. Now that the warmth and the sun’s coming back it’s a lot more appealing out there, but a bit of cold and wet doesn’t seem to put us off much. Priorities lately have been firmly back at home, and on holding each other through the changes that have been and gone. I’m sure there’s more to come. Life has a habit of there being more 
We’ve been places - notably castle-visiting in South West Wales, and had a trip down to Tassja’s old stomping grounds in Cornwall. It may have been chilly everywhere else, but down there it was warm and sunny and balmy (barmy?!). And the Senior Wisemans were recently here to visit, which gave us an excellent excuse to go to Caerphilly and tramp around the castle there. That’s the problem with Wales - so many castles.
Work-wise, I’ve been busily involved in a project which has just had its launch. I figure Cie and Dafydd *might* be interested. (Oh, and it’s a Drupal site too :D)
What else? Hmmm. Oh yes - there was a blog software upgrade (thanks to an unexpected server upgrade - thanks Ritchie :D) and now we’re back to zero spam. Yep, that’s right. No comment spam at all.
Right. Back to the millwheel, then…
Posted in Creativity, Family, Family Life | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
Today is a strange day. It should have been a very happy day, instead I feel a bit numb.
I’ve been staring at the Ante Natal Clinic attendance card which is lying on my desk. Today would have been the first time we would have seen our greatly wanted and much loved baby at 13 weeks, 4 days.
But it wasn’t to be. The same day we received the appointment card I started to bleed. A day that had started excitedly with J waking me up to get me to open the much anticipated letter from the hospital ended with me laying awake all night feeling very frightened.
I went to the Dr’s on the Monday feeling a little more confident as it had stopped. He was lovely and made an appointment for me to go to the EPU the next day. However, by 3am my health was getting pretty bad and I asked J to take control of the situation for me (that’s rare for me). I just couldn’t cope anymore.
Within minutes of asking for help an ambulance arrived to take me to the local hospital. I was really impressed by their rapid response. Less impressed with one of the paramedics trying to wind me up about the place I work. I’m very proud to be a civil servant.
I was prodded, poked and admitted onto a ward, where for the third night in a row I didn’t sleep. I just stared out of the window feeling hollow and miserable. I even started to cry when an aeroplane I’d been watching traverse the predawn sky, slipped out of my view. Leaving me feeling very alone.
The next morning a very tired looking J came back and took wonderful care of me. I know I’m a very lucky woman to have someone as great as him. Anything he could do to make it a bit easier for me, he did. Although worn out and upset himself, he soldiered on. Through every painful procedure he held my hand and whispered words of comfort.
At times he even managed to make me laugh, I didn’t know it was possible to laugh at such a sad time.
The staff were lovely, even the one who gave me the injection which had the end result of making me pass out in the doorway to the bathroom.
Thanks goes to J for catching me and not letting me end up in a heap on the hospital floor. He was a real star the whole time while they wheeled me back onto the ward and stuck even more tubes in me.
I have very mixed feelings. We lost our baby, and even now I’m fighting back tears. But we gained so much, and that makes me smile.
I sit here with tear filled eyes and a gentle smile of wonder. I feel so much love. J and I were close before, but now we’re even stronger. Through the loss and grief we’ve been there for each other, strengthened our bond and even healed some wounds we didn’t even know were there from a long time ago.
At a time when we both could have become bitter and withdrawn, we ended up even more in love and wide open to each other.
I feel that even though our baby didn’t live, she was already a very real part of our family. When we learned of her she brought us much happiness, every day I carried her in me was a day of wonder, a new experience. I truly feel she gave us a gift, even in death. She gave us the gift of healing.
For that I will always be grateful, there just aren’t words that describe it fully.
My beautiful little one,
I didn’t get to hold you in my arms, for that I weep. I wanted so much to see you grow and make your own way in this beautiful world. I wonder what choices you would have made and what path your feet would have tread.
I carried you in my body for a time, but I will carry you in my heart always.
Your mother and father love you and miss you.
Posted in Family Life | 3 Comments »
Thursday, November 30th, 2006
Well, I’m not really sure where to start. A lot has happened in the past couple of months and in many ways it feels like, for me personally, a watershed has been reached. I turned 30 this November - a ripe old age that I’m frankly surprised I survived to. I’ve left TDN in any official capacity, having just completed a significant web project with them. And I’m leaving the magpie name behind. In terms of who I am, I don’t think it adequately describes me. Ten years ago, maybe five or even two years ago, I think it did. But now? Not at all. What started as not much more than a nickname and a brushing with totemism (with very little understanding of what that meant) became an identity which at first was right - a fair description of my temperament and character. Lately, it’s been increasingly something of a straight-jacket.
Perhaps I should design a symbol. Or become AFKAM.
But no. J, Jay or Jamie is fine in future, thanks. As is “oi”, and other related terms.
Wedding plans continue apace, and we’re looking good to make our original schedule. It’s nice to have time to breathe and actually be excited about it.
It’s very firmly and definitely a winding down time at the moment. Reducing the commitments and energy going in a million different directions and refocussing it back at home is having some interesting and strange effects on me. Who’dathunkit? I’m better able to cope when I’m taking the reins into my own hands, and not being led by any third party.
I’m actually looking forward to the coming year - something I’m really not used to!
Posted in Family Life | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
It’s all getting a bit much. Managing the forums at TDN, the Learning project there, and helping them create a brand new website is just taking up… well, everything. It’s getting to the point that I give it more time than anything else in my life, so something has to change.
Last night, Tassja asked if it was okay to email the committee at TDN to get some changes happening. What we’ve suggested before is that she take over the admin of the forums, while I get some rest from them in order to devote more energy to the web project. This morning we had the go ahead for that, so we expect to make a forum announcement this evening.
Personally, I’m just relieved. The forums have been wearing me down for a while, now. I love them, I really do, but I think I need a break. It’s bad when they stop me sleeping.
In other news - babysitting’s pretty cool! We got to do some on Saturday night, with Tassja’s niece and nephew. It woke up all sorts of memories in me, but none of it felt bad, which I think is a first time in the last four years. Who knows where this could lead?
I seem to have rediscovered Anthrax. The band that is, not the virus. I shall use it to combat the foolish people who insist on parking their cars outside our house at 3am, and playing gansta (c)rap at about 7,000 decibels. May their sub woofers rot and their Vauxhall Novas rust.
Right. Back to the grindstone for me - I’ve got a project plan to write, don’tchaknow?
ttfn!
Posted in Family Life, Random | 4 Comments »
Sunday, July 30th, 2006
For those that don’t already know me, you soon will. I’m Tassja, the woman that agreed to marry J (without him drugging me). When I get a bit more time and I feel like writing, I might put up an “about me”page to give people an idea of what I’m like. Though I’m sure my posts on here will do a fine job of scaring people off
Since I’ll be joining the Wiseman’s next year and our branches will become tangled, J has very kindly given me access to his blog, which I suppose is now our blog. Crazy guy
Thank you J. I love you so very much and you really do make me very happy 
Right, so what’s been going on?
Well, a couple of weekends ago J’s lovely parents came to visit. That was a great fun day involving a visit to Castle Coch, a place I’d not been to since I was a child. It felt good to be able to take them to a place which I have strong childhood memories of.
Later that day we went to the Cardiff Bay Barrage, a place I’ve always loved sitting and watching the boats come and go. I find it so relaxing. Though the water does smell rather a lot, but that’s what happens when you make a big lake filled with river water that’s flowed through a city
We finished the day with going for a meal at one of my old haunts, The Deri Inn. A rather cute place to eat at which normally does yummy food. Though it’s not so great when they deliver your starter and main at the same time, oops
Then last weekend J’s brother came to stay with us. I really enjoyed it. It was a good chance to get to know each other more and have fun. Though I’m not sure how he felt being dragged through the city to the museum. I was rather asleep on my feet that day.
Quite possibly one of the most exciting things for me recently, was a phone call from my Dad. At his wife’s suggestion he phoned me to urge me to go to the shop where the wedding dress I wanted was in the sale and phone them from there so they could pay for it over the phone. I’m so very happy to have my dress bought for me by them, as well as having it safely hanging up in the bedroom. It makes it all feel much more real. I’ll admit that I was very worried that I’d not get the dress. It’s the only wedding dress I tried on and I loved it straight away. I knew it was the one for me.
Well, that’s enough for now. No doubt as soon as I publish this I’ll think of other things I could have said, but never mind.
Posted in Family Life | 2 Comments »